It is not a son's duty to make their parents happy. But, you can take care of your parents and contribute to their happiness if it is possible.
Your parents are human and have likely incurred some trauma of their own, but you must remember that you alone are not responsible for their happiness. They have made countless decisions throughout their lives that have influenced their health, finances and relationships.
That kind of thinking simply doesn't exist, so we allow the influence in, and it shapes the way we think and responds to other people in our life years down the road. This can lead to anxiety and depression that's paralyzing. The truth is you are not responsible for others' emotions.
There are people who believe that adult children are responsible for their aging parents' happiness. They feel entitled to time, attention and a sense of human connection from their grown children, but it's not a realistic expectation. We're each responsible for our own vitality, joy and sense of connection.
Parentification occurs when a child takes on developmentally inappropriate levels of responsibility for their family's emotional, physical, and/or mental well-being. This reverse parenting results in them becoming caregivers before they're physically, mentally, or emotionally ready for such responsibility.
One common question that arises in these situations is whether there are any legal obligations or if you have to take care of your parents. In the United States, there is generally no legal requirement for adult children to provide care for their aging parents.
It is normal to feel guilty. As a parent, you want the best for your child and it is natural to feel responsible for their well-being. However, it is important to recognize that you cannot control every aspect of their life and that they are responsible for their own choices and actions.
We Cannot Make Our Children Happy
Kids have free will and will make their own decisions about what they believe is in their own interests. We can encourage, motivate, nudge, nag, and lecture our children, but we cannot control their emotions. Nor can we control their reactions and behavior.
Emotional parentification requires youth to tend to the emotional needs of family members. This can include becoming a parents' confidant (e.g., spousification), elevating siblings' self-esteem, and even promoting harmony among the members.
If something goes wrong, do you feel the entire weight of that outcome? If so, these could be signs that you have an overactive sense of responsibility. Over-responsibility can be a hard habit to break. Helping others makes us feel good: We feel competent, reduce our stress, and avoid conflict.
In 30 states, the child is responsible for the care of their elderly parents once they can no longer take care of themselves. However, in 11 of these states, the law that states this filial responsibility has never been enforced.
Most filial laws require you to support your parents' basic living needs. These can include food, medical bills (mental and physical), housing, and additional care they receive, such as stays at nursing homes.
In summary, children should never feel that they are responsible for keeping their parents happy or keeping the family safe.
Children who have been parentified frequently have feelings of obligation and burden as they age. They feel as if they must continually look out for others. These effects continue long after they've moved out of their family home. They have difficulty prioritizing their needs, setting limits, and asserting themselves.
In most states, parental obligations typically end when a child reaches the age of majority, 18 years old. But, check the laws of your state, as the age of majority can be different from one state to the next.
If a child doesn't feel secure or confident that they are loved unconditionally, can lead to a constant fear of abandonment in adulthood. Unfortunately, that fear of abandonment can cause all kinds of problems in adult relationships. You may find yourself pushing people away afraid they will leave you.
Adult children report that unsupportive parents negatively assess their adult child's goals and dreams. They are not supportive of their adult children's happiness, lack encouragement, and – negatively comment about their actions. Toxic parents are often, if not always, critical.
Criminal penalties: In some cases, refusing to support your indigent parent may be considered a misdemeanor offense in California. If convicted, you could face up to a year in county jail and a fine of up to $2,000.
They do not expect you to pay them back. However, if they need help from you as you age, you should give them the love and support they need with dignity and grace as they did for you. Nobody expects you to spend money you do not have, but you can help find the programs and agencies to provide the needed help.
Honoring our fathers and mothers is the fifth commandment and sets the standard that is echoed throughout Scripture to submit to our parents, for this pleases the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-2; Colossians 3:20). Caring for our parents in their later years is the culmination of a life submitted to honoring them.
There are many reasons why young adults might feel like they're still kids inside. Childhood trauma or a mental health condition could be a factor. A mental health assessment will help identify possible underlying issues.
Just as parents are encouraged to validate their children's emotions, adult children can do the same for their parents. For instance, "I can see that you're feeling overwhelmed with everything going on; I'm here for you" offers emotional support and understanding.