God answered Solomon with four conditions for forgiveness: humble yourself by admitting your sins; praying to God – asking for forgiveness; seeking God continually; and turning from sinful behavior.
The 5 R's of Christianity: Repentance, Redemption, Restitution, Reconciliation, & Restoration. I would like to start a series of articles regarding what I believe are the 5 “r's” of Christianity.
Can you forgive someone and still be angry? Yes, but it depends. If you're angry and want retribution, you likely haven't sincerely forgiven the other person. But if you're angry and working toward moving past it, you're probably just experiencing the normal flow of emotions.
Additionally, we can live out the Golden Rule by forgiving others as we would like to be forgiven. This means letting go of grudges and resentment, extending a hand of reconciliation, and seeking restoration in relationships.
We forgive others because God has forgiven us. Jesus taught us to pray to the Father, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt. 6:12). Like God, to forgive someone means to no longer hold sin against the person who has sinned against you.
When the first thought you have about them is not the injury they caused in your life, you have probably extended forgiveness. You should be able to have normal thoughts about the person occasionally. Remember, you are dropping the right to get even—the grudge you held against them. An opportunity to help them test.
Later on, I realized that instead, God's plan of forgiveness involves relationships: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV). This is not some imperative to try to live up to, but rather God's key to freedom in relationships.
To seek forgiveness from loved ones, you must first acknowledge that you have wronged them, that you sincerely regret your actions, you must apologize, you must genuinely attempt to make it right, and you can't stop there. Don't be defensive.
Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you.
God's Forgiveness Is Conditional
God is not a universalist who chooses to forgive all men for their offense against Him. Nor does He offer forgiveness without expectation or condition. Rather, God forgives only those who turn to Him in repentance and who put their trust in Him.
In His strength, we can forgive those who seem undeserving; we can forgive again; we can forgive that which feels unforgivable; and we can finally trade our festering burs of hurt for the vine of His grace-filled redeeming fruit. The choice to forgive is ours today. Even when it still hurts.
Jesus taught, “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you” (Mt 6:14). Peter asked Jesus how often it is necessary to forgive, and Jesus replied, “Seventy-seven times” (Mt 18:22), a number to be taken symbolically, not literally, for the never-ending way that we ought to forgive.
Forgiveness has four stages: hate, hurt, heal, come together. (This model was inspired by Louis Smedes' book, “Forgive and Forget.” I've reordered Smedes' words, and I've changed my understanding of what each phase of the process means.)
God is ready and willing to forgive you. Unlike a human being, He does not hold grudges or need time before He will forgive you. You can have forgiveness right now: Confess that you have sinned, and ask for God to forgive you. It's that simple.
Responsibility: Accept what has happened and show yourself compassion. Remorse: Use guilt and remorse as a gateway to positive behaviour change. Restoration: Make amends with whomever you're forgiving, even if it's yourself. Renewal: Learn from the experience and grow as a person.
The highest form of forgiveness is to realise that the other committed a mistake out of ignorance, and having a sense of compassion for them. Forgiving others with a sense of compassion is the best form of forgiveness.
There are situations when it's OK not to forgive someone. Here are just a few examples: You're still feeling the effects of their actions or experiencing PTSD because of how you were treated (particularly for childhood abuse).
To forgive in a biblical sense is to recognize and regard someone and their actions towards you in light of and through the finished work of Jesus Christ. This does not require you to ever see that person again.